I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
