Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
