I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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