once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
