I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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