i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
