We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
