I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
