WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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