piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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