he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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