Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
