My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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