We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
God, I missed his penis.
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