i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
