First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
