I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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