I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
