new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
