Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
