matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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