No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
