don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
