I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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