they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
