i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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