Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
