I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
