before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
