He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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