I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
