He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
