super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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