I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
