I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
