You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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