Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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