Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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