smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
