Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize