Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
