break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
