Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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