I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
