so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
