Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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