I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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