he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
