i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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