I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
