I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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