Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
