I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
