Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
