I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
