They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
