you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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