Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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