is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
