I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
