I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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