I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
